Dr. P.J. Hackenflack, Calbuzz staff political psychiatrist, has received a boat-load of letters from anxious Californians. At the urging of the Calbuzz Senior Executive Advisory Board, he agreed to share a few with our readers.
Dear Dr. Hackenflack,
I heard somewhere that Gavin Newsom had a bitter falling out with a former top aide. What was that all about?
— Tom A., Sacramento
They had a rather strong disagreement on the issue of heterosexual marriage.
Hey Doc,
Antonio Villaraigosa said he was too busy solving LA’s budget problems to attend the Democratic convention in Sacramento, but he found time to go to the White House correspondent’s dinner. What gives?
— John B. San Francisco
He preferred spending Saturday night with Demi Moore instead of Debra Bowen.
Dear Dr. H,
Some people say Jerry Brown is too damn old to be governor again. How old is he anyhow?
— Garry in South Park
I’ll let you know when the carbon dating results come back.
My Dear Doctor Hackenflack,
These ballot propositions are, like, totally confusing? And my little sister keeps pressuring me to, like, make up my mind about them? And she wouldn’t stop until she totally stressed me out about it? What should I do?
— Dianne in DC
Never let them see you cry.
Doc,
Am I crazy or does Steve Poizner look like the guy playing Spock in the new Star Trek movie?
— L. McCoy, Beverly Hills
Are you out of your Vulcan mind? I’m a doctor, not a casting director.
Greetings Dr. H,
Meg Whitman is coming to speak to my Rotary Club next week, but a friend said that if I try to ask her a question, I might get tasered. Should I risk trying to get an answer?
— Kevin in Cucamonga
No worries – since you’re not with the press, her advisers will probably only have their tasers on stun.
Dear Dr. Hackenflack,
What does Tom Campbell like to do for fun?
— B. Herschensohn, L.A.
He curls up with the Collected Works of Milton Friedman and swills green tea.
Sir,
Many Californians feel the Legislature showed they weren’t serious about budget cuts when they refused to axe the Integrated Waste Management board, a dumping ground that gives huge salaries to burned-out hacks. What’s your view?
— Jon in Flashattan
Where do I apply?
Dr. Hackenflack,
Governor Schwarzenegger says that if voters don’t approve his ballot props, the state will burn down. Is he really serious?
— Barbara S. Los Olivos
Serious? When was the last time you watched Terminator 2?
