Ask Dr. Hackenflack: Secrets to Mysteries of California Gov’s Race


Dr. P.J. Hackenflack, Calbuzz staff political psychiatrist, has received a load of letters about the candidates in the 2010 California governor’s race. At the urging of the Calbuzz Senior Executive Management Team, he agreed to share a few with our readers.

Dear Dr. Hackenflack,
How can Jerry Brown be governor? Isn’t there some law against a guy holding the top office twice in the same life?
— Wondering in Willits
Yes, but Jerry enjoys immunity, having slipped through a breach in the space-time continuum, which taught him there is no past or future, only now.

I saw a TV ad with Gavin Newsom telling people they should accept gay marriage regardless of how they felt about it. Does that mean I have to vote for him even if I like somebody else?
— Bruce from Burlingame
Yes you do, according to Newsom adviser Garry South. Whether you like it or not.

Hi Doc,
I know Meg Whitman was CEO of eBay but I don’t get how that prepares her to cut deals with legislators, manage hot button social issues or lead an economic behemoth like California.
— Skeptical in Stanislaus
Me neither.

Dear Dr. H,
I hear that Antonio Villaraigosa is planning to run, even though he just told voters in L.A. he really, really wanted to be re-elected mayor. Why is he doing this?
— Juanita, San Joaquin
He heard that Telemundo has a new reporter on the political beat.

My Dear Doctor Hackenflack,
How can Jerry Brown be governor – isn’t he older than the Oakland Hills?
— Dianne in Presidio Terrace
Definitely not. It’s true that Jerry is older than the ball point pen, but when the Oakland-Bay Bridge opened, he was already two.

Wussup Doc,
Steve Poizner might be, like, totally awesome, but he’s, like, the insurance commissioner? Isn’t being governor, like, sort of a big next step?
– -Tiffany in Tujunga
Yes, but Gray Davis provides a great example of how to ride a cheesy statewide office into a failed governorship.

To: Dr. P.J. Hackenflack
From: Bert in San Jose
It is my understanding that Tom Campbell has not raised much money and is campaigning primarily by writing a blog. Does being a blogger qualify him to be governor of our state?
Who cares, as long as he links to calbuzz?

Dear Doctor,
When Arnold became governor he called Democrats “economic girlie men,” but he turned out to be kind of a wimp himself. What he will do when he leaves office?
— Maria, Los Angeles
Work tirelessly to promote the metrosexual agenda.

How can Jerry Brown be governor – isn’t he like gum on your shoe?
— Anne from Oakland

Send your questions for Dr. Hackenflack to calbuzzer@gmail.com. If Dr. H selects your question, you’ll win a free, limited edition “I’m a Calbuzzer” button, suitable for wearing.

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  1. avatar Anonymous says:

    IMHO age isn’t going to be the issue in this race. Dianne Feinstein is 3 years older than John McCain – but which one comes across as an old geezer? Jerry Brown is in the forever young category because of he’s so youthful in his thinking and vision. I just hope the people of CA don’t elect another “superstar”. These wealthy CEOs think they can do the job because they’re used to snapping their fingers and making things happen. It takes experience – not magic – to do anything with our state legislature. I’m voting for Jerry!

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